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I Am Free
by Michelle Stimpson
I did it. It's done. I can finally move forward. I am free.
Over the last year, I have slowly tackled my past. I had intense counseling, important
conversations with loved ones, powerful coaching, and I did some deep reflecting
and journaling. But what put the icing on the cake was dealing with the last of the
physical clutter and "stuff" that had been like a dark cloud looming over
my head for years. I saved everything from high school and college; I didn't really
have a home-base during many of those years, so everything went into a box. The boxes
were filled with letters, cards, papers, notebooks and all kinds of correspondence
from a variety of sources and people. These papers and "things" had been
unknowingly holding me back from moving forward in my life.
So my boxes of stuff moved with me from place to place. Some of them were even musty
and moldy from being stored in various basements. Too much energy was spent hauling
them around and worrying about them. There wasn't really even much "life"
to these boxes...it was just stale energy. Recently after dealing with several major
life transitions, I was finally ready to confront the boxes head on.
Because there were thousands upon thousands of things to look at and go through,
I was overwhelmed. Then I listened to my gut and began to realize that I didn't need
or want to go through everything. After all, if these boxes had been lost or destroyed,
I wouldn't have even known the difference! So I glazed through the contents at a
pace that felt comfortable. There were select things that I gave special attention
to and set aside; some things made me laugh, some things left me disgusted, and other
things brought me tremendous joy. Some things I didn't remember and had no idea where
they came from! Much of it all went right in the trash pile.
Before dumping a lot of this stuff, though, I felt a need to put together a general
"summary" of my past. It was important to me to make note of some things
and either reflect on them some more, take a picture to hold onto, or share them
with my husband or other loved family member or friend. I did some intense journaling
of what I learned while sifting through my past, which felt good.
And after the exhausting task of finishing up the boxes and getting things ready
for our symbolic drive to the local dump, I was compelled to share my story with
some of the key people in my life. So, I called my mom. I also shared a journal entry
with my grandma that I wrote about her in college. I wrote out a card to my Aunt
and Godmother, Jane. I sent notes to my friends. I set aside a stack of campus memories
for my dearly loved college roommate, Jill, and me to laugh through together.
And, I pulled out a few things that I really wanted to share with my husband, Bill,
who knows me so intimately. I wanted him to know me even more, and I'm glad I made
it a priority. We sat by the fire and talked about all of my findings and learnings,
and he so eagerly and patiently listened to my stories. He was so interested and
was so fully present. I felt important, I felt valued, I felt like I counted. I set
aside a pile of things to show him which included a childhood locket with my hamster's
picture, a eulogy I wrote when a dear friend died, a family tree project, a speech
I wrote in high school, and a touching letter from my grandpa.
It felt great to formally come to terms with my past. When talking with my husband
about all of it, he had a great idea. He wondered how I could officially celebrate
this new chapter of moving on in my life and was there a way I could do something
ceremonial? He picked up on the fact that this is way bigger than just throwing away
a bunch of boxes. It's so much more than that. It's me recognizing my past, embracing
it, loving it, and being done with it. I can't believe how much lighter I feel.
So I have decided that in order to celebrate, I want to have a whole day set aside
to do whatever I want and honor where I'm at in life. I am very excited to do this
and I am so grateful to my husband for sensing my need to make this a big deal.
Working on my boxes came at a point when I was ready, and I couldn't have done it
one moment earlier. This phase of the simplification process, for me, started a few
years ago when I went back to school, left my corporate job, and launched a business
that reflected my true calling; at the same time, my husband and I sold our dream
house, parted with unneeded possessions, and downsized into a townhouse. Getting
rid of the clutter in my life that has held me back for so long is definitely an
ongoing process. But in letting go of all of it, I am now able to say "Yes!"
to the things that matter most to me. I am truly at peace and living the life I have
always dreamed of. I now have the "space" in my life to be me and to move
forward...both literally and figuratively.
When you're ready, you're ready. And the universe opens up to you in a whole new
way with a set of special messages just for you. Just yesterday morning, a dear friend
sent along a quote by Sandra Sharpe that she probably had no idea I was waiting for.
It reads: "What do you pack to pursue a dream and what do you leave behind?"
Michelle Stimpson, owner of LifeShine Coaching and Consulting, Inc., is a personal
coach/business consultant who helps her clients identify priorities, maintain balance,
and create a life of purpose. She coaches individuals and leads group personal/professional
development workshops. Michelle can be reached at (952) 906-3432 or through her website
at www.lifeshinecoaching.com.
Copyright © 2005 Michelle Stimpson. All rights reserved. |
| June 2005 |
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